Feelings.

I seriously don’t understand certain people. There’s a point where they want all of your attention and you give it to them because you hope so eagerly that they’ll give you some of their time too. But they don’t. They use you up and get your hopes, start to develop feelings, and then they drop you. They leave like nothing was ever said, nothing ever happened, and no feelings were ever involved when you so blindly thought they were. You sit there in a pool of sad feelings and try to figure out when things took the wrong turn. You find out things that kill you inside but you have to act like they don’t affect you at all. You force yourself to forget but it’s not easy when they are all you think about. When you see them with someone else you feel like dying. When you simply see them and it’s just you and that person you think of all the feelings that you want to pour out to them but you say nothing. You sit there speechless and just get a flashback of all the things that were said that made you fall for them. You cringe at the fact that you know that they aren’t feeling the way you are. When they are completely gone physically, they are still there emotionally. You feel down all the time and it’s mostly cause you miss them or the way you used to be. You wish that you could atleast get back the friendship that existed before any feelings were involved. You wish for all these things but you clearly know that they wil never happen and you have to live everyday of your life accepting that heartbreaking fact.

I hate that moment when you seem to be getting better. You seem to have it all together for once. You seem to be content for once. You actually smile because you want to. Then, little things happen and they get to you. They eat at you. It’s only slight at first; just ticking away at your barriers. But, then, in that one moment, you lose it all. And you can’t control anything. You feel dizzy and dark. Lost and confused. Hopeless. And you have absolutely no one to talk to, because you feel like this parasite that can’t be dealt with any longer. You lie on your floor, shaking. Sobbing. Your eyes, face, and stomach burning. And you fall for the billionth time.

(Source: itwilldevouryou, via imdreamingintodisaster)

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